Day 7 - Can a Father be Prepared within himself?

 If you are a new father, a Father for the first time, I know the concerns and worries, the insecurities and fears, they all come up and they do affect us as Fathers.

What I have found within the past two and a half years of being a father is that one CAN prepare for becoming a father; there is a way, and a successful way. You basically have to redefine the word father for yourself within practical terms that is Best for all, considering reality. Before we get to what I mean by all that, I am going to talk a bit about the father concept in general.

You see, I have seen many fathers and how they are with their children, I have seen the "images" being portrayed in the movies and magazines of what it apparently means to be a father according to the world/system, and I can tell you, it is just an image, it is just something that is being portrayed, there is nothing special or beautiful about it, there is however a "reality check" and within that enjoyment and moments, but it isn't this image that the world is attempting to portray of what it means to be a "great and amazing father"

Be honest with yourself, you were and are a son to a father, what was or is your relationship with your father or in some cases your father figure? How is your father a father, what has become your definition of being a father?

The reason you must ask and look at these questions is because you will find within answering them for yourself what father you will be or attempt to be, and this is the first problem, because then you are selling yourself out, you are now attempting to be your father as a father, or you are attempting to be a father according to how the system has created expectations within you of what it should be to be a father. Within doing this, taking this approach because you know no other way, because you never went to "schooling for fathers" you will use what you have learned through your environment and society, which is once again "the sins of the father" - as we are all familiar with this term. We just keep on repeating history over and over.

I write this log to get fathers to be the new age, to be the change, to stop the sins of the fathers, the reason is simple, just take a look at the world, take a good look, it isn't a place for a child, it isn't safe, it isn't secure, it isn't caring, it isn't giving, it is a mess, a survival game of who has money and who doesn't. and this is because parenting, and being a father has simply been copied from one generation to another, and the result is obvious, it is NOT good parenting, and this isn't to blame, or to point fingers or judge, it is to forgive and move on with solutions within the understanding that just like us our parents didn't know any other way, but in today's time and age, we know better and the earth is giving us amazing feedback that things must change NOW, because the world is not a good place, our parents and their parents before them, weren't good parents, and we must all admit this, because just take a look around, your life might be okay - but the world is on the brink of destruction, our air is polluted, our oceans are polluted, fish are going extinct, our forests are being destroyed, and animals going extinct daily, war and poverty is soaring, our economic systems are collapsing and destroying lives , our Eco systems are way out of balance, there is no future for our children if we simply copy and paste our parenting from those that has gone before us. Because that is the result of what is here today. it is common sense in simplicity f not denying what is obvious.

So scaling it back down to daily fatherhood. I had to for a moment show the bigger picture to get my point across to why this blog is important and why we must change where we can, starting with ourselves, as fathers to children that will inherit the earth, and we want our children to inherit a good earth, and they must be raised to be the keepers of this good earth/planet, to not create this again. 

So, If you are going to become a Father, or if you are right now a father for the first time, then this is the best advice I can give you as I have seen and lived this for myself with my son/child for the past two and a half years, you must not attempt to change your child, your child is perfect, you must change YOU, at all times. let me explain, the Idea is sold to us that we must raise our children, and our definition of raising our children is warped, it comes from the idea that they are not smart, that they are stupid, that they need our input all the time as what to know and what is important or not, when in fact we are not raising our children, we are simply being guides, support and assistance, as they are born perfect within their starting point as who they are - and we cannot guide or support or assist our children to become their utmost potential as long as we ourselves exist within the old ways, the old mind set, the ways of our fathers, because that isn't guiding or supporting or assisting, that is what we call brainwashing and putting your child into a cult, which we call a culture, which is once again the old ways that has led to what is here today as the world as a whole.

So, to redefine the word father as to NOT be the sins of the fathers but to be something for you as a father that is practical and that is applicable in each moment, a father is support, guidance, assistance and to a child, this child isn't your property, this child isn't yours to do with as you please, this child belongs to the earth, to LIFE, as this child will one day become part of society, and if we train them as we see fit for our own self-interest as to fit our own cultures or religions or family standards just to look good or feeling like we belong or that we are doing the right thing, then we are simply creating a doomed future for our children as those exact things are what created the mess that is here today as the world that they are supposed to inherit.

For you to live the new definition of father as to be the change you want to see in this world, is going to be difficult, yet it is going to make parenting and being a father easier, you need to work on yourself, you need to take responsibility for yourself, you are going to have to set a Principle that you live by, instead of Ideas, opinions and believes, because they will confuse you, they will make you feel depressed and down and sad and angry and frustrated, because reality isn’t going to fit with your believes/ideas or opinions when it comes to your child, and this is why the physical correction as a father must be to be a guide, to be assistance and support and to be that you as a father must first find your stability, because once the child is here there will be no time to find your stability and you will fall into the traps of the old ways and give in to the ideas/opinions and believes that was set before you, you will trust other peoples words on what parenting is and follow their vice when it should not be followed, you will d and try things suggested by parents/grandparents as what they have done and you will go for it, because you do not have stability within you to stand and direct, and thus create what has already been created instead of creating change.

I walked a Process with the Group Desteni for 5 and a half years before I became a father, I was more than prepared and this helped me a lot to the guide/support and assistance not only for my child, but also for my wife, as she went through most of everything. I will write on practical examples and ways and situations that we have faced and how we dealt with it, specifically me as the “father” – how we had to move beyond ideas/opinions and beliefs and into practical corrections that is best for all, to be clear, I am not saying I was or am perfect, but I am saying I made this process a lot easier for myself and I know every father will want the same for himself. (and Mothers)

So, if you are going to be a father, or are a new father – take this Free online course by Desteni and learn to understand yourself, this will be most important within dealing with yourself as you are a father and the new journey of having a baby/child takes your life and reality to a whole new level, when the emotions and feelings and strange thoughts come up, know where they come from, understand them, stop them and do not give into them, but you need to develop the tools to do so, and this is exactly what this course teaches you.

Desteni I Process Free Online Course - http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
You can request for me to be your buddy and support on this online course, just ask for    Gian Robberts.

Day 4 - where is the parenting manual

I suppose all new parents have this same experience, that first day leaving the Hospital with the baby, it has been four months since Cesar’s birth, but I still have to express this point.

So we drove to the hospital, Cesar was born about 5 hours later, it was a long and tiring night, all kinds of moments popped up that one is faced with, moments like, is the baby Ok, is the mother Ok, is everything going well, what’s happening moments, and then there is the moment it’s all over and the baby is here.

Now more blogs will come on those three days in Hospital, for now I want to share this point, that day we left the hospital.

The first three days of having a baby is easy, because it’s happening in the hospital, there are many hands helping, there are many people that know what to do – (sort of, a blog in its own), and there are a lot of support around, the facilities and the equipment for anything that might go wrong.

So for three days the mother is lying in bed resting, the baby comes and goes as the nurses see fit, I visit as much as possible and so do others, it’s all a nice and good experience for most of the parts.

The last day, I go to the hospital, I tell the nurses I am here to pick up my wife and our baby, they ask me, did the doctor say that the baby and your wife can be released, and yes the doctor has, so I go to my wife and she says that there still needs to be a few checks done.

So I wait, the nurses come in and out checking stuff, the doctors come in and do checks, I start packing things up and getting everything in bags.

The last doctor says, you are ready to go – I look at her, I say ok thank you, and I look at Leila and I say, are you ready, she says yes – a nurse arrives and she says that she will guide us out; she will carry the baby, that’s a policy.

So we start walking, we have everything of ours and now an extra human coming with us, home, as we exit the hospital and we get to the car, the nurse hands over the baby, I start assembling the baby seat and getting the settings ready, the nurse is just standing there watching, I am struggling, and then the nurse left after handing the baby over to Leila.

So now it was just me and Leila and the baby, I suddenly had a realization, its real, and the nurse just left us, she did not hand over a manual or anything, lol.

She did not even give us tips or advice, even the entire time we were in the hospital, no one told us anything, no one gave us advice on how to be parents, on how to raise a baby, no one told us anything, and it’s not like we learned anything in the three days of being in the hospital, because the nurses were doing everything and not telling us a thing.

This created the illusion that it would be easy, that it’s all smooth going. But I at least knew I can do this, so that wasn’t a deciding factor in my approach, it was just a shock; I had a couple of realizations in that one moment.

These realizations were a reality kick in the face, because this is what everyone goes through, and this is what Babies/new-born humans are left with, they are left with parents that does not know shit about being parents or raising a child, they are left in the hands of strangers actually, even if it is the baby’s parents, the baby does not know them, the doctors does not know them, so how can a baby just be left like that into the hands of two humans that is now going to raise their child on luck and hope.

In all the time we were in the hospital, no one asked us, do you know what to do as new parent’s, are you ready to be new parents, do you need any advice or tips on being new parents, do you know how to handle a Baby, do you know what to do if this or that happens, NO, nothing like that took place, it was all just left to be.

Obviously the Hospital and everyone working in it believe that the people in there giving birth planned it, or have been making plans or educated themselves to be parents, which isn’t the case I would say 90% of the time - what is educating self on being an actual parent – there is no such book, it’s all a pick and choose a style, which isn’t reliable, and even if one relies on it it’s all just lies yet parenthood is an agreement, so parenting has to include the parents having an effective communication/relationship first.

What I saw and experienced at the hospital according to my standards of living the principle of doing what’s best for all life, I cannot accept and allow this, this isn’t best for the parents and for the babies/children/adults to be, that will one day run this world, we need a new system, it all starts at home, with the families, with the new born humans and what’s then happens in the future, and so the future of earth.

I have opened up in this blog many points to write on and to expose the problems we face as humanity within parenting itself, and the system’s ineffectiveness – which I as a new father am facing and have faced and still facing. From being a parent to being a working man and a partner.

The point of self-responsibility must be understood, we cannot wait till the system changes, because we are the system, we must change first -