Day 6 - Working dad, tired dad, excused dad

I haven’t had many encounters with dad’s in my life raising children, all my life I have only encountered dads who come home and sit somewhere and do something with their own time, while the mother is still working/raising a human being (the baby/child).

I used to think nothing of it, it was normal to be that way – because it is all justifiable according to what has been generally accepted, which is – mom raises baby/child/human while dad is out working all day and when he comes home he may just sit and do nothing else but relax and carry the “burden of working and providing.

BUT – this was many years ago, times have changed –in today’s time’s most moms are also working, so now mom and dad are working while the baby/child is taken care of by someone else, either a nanny or a family member, or the child is send to a creche.

So now in many families – including my own, there is a different situation, the situation is both parents come home from a full day of work, and then there is still a baby that needs to be taken care of.

So now we have two scenarios – the one where mom takes care of baby all day and dad comes home from a long day of work and rest/do nothing, and then the other one where both parents work all day and come home and now there is still a baby to look after.

Now what happens within both these situations is quite fascinating – no matter which situation it is – dad gets to rest – primarily in most families, while mom who also came from work still needs to do everything for the baby, which is hard work, plus cooking and cleaning and all the other things.

These are my observations of other families/people that I have met and been with. It is unspoken in the families and simply accepted, or to place it better – it is how they have chosen to accept it.

After observing people and families, I have come to be in the same situation, having a baby and a wife and myself, all three of having to live together with the same circumstances as everyone else in a manner of speaking.

I am working, my wife is working and there is our baby – My wife/partner works from home as she always have, she has a responsibility within work plus now having a baby at home, I work away from home – I have a job that can keep me busy all day as long as it must take to do my work.

So what now? When I come home, my wife has been working plus taking care of the baby and here I come home with the idea that my work for the day is over, meantime my wife never gets off, she is working 24/7.

So what excuses me from not doing more when I get home, what excuses me from doing that part equally as my wife with raising the baby and doing what needs to be done, I mean she is doing it.

This raised an interesting question within me – we MEN love to boast how strong and physically better we are than women, we love to be the provider and the “strong” being in the relationship, we men like to impose that we are better than women, yet I think we men simply like the idea of it all. Because when it comes to what the men are doing versus what the mother/women is doing, we do not compare.

We live in a time where there cannot be any more excuses why we aren’t taking over half the diaper changing once home after work, and doing half the feeding of the baby once home from work, or education and playing with the baby once home from work, mom is able to do it, so why is dad not doing it?

I have been pushing myself to live up to my potential as a worthy father of life by simply using my wife/partner as an example.

I will be sharing real encounters in the next blogs, each point at a time on the topic raised here.
To be continued.

Day 3 - The First Time I met our Baby and his cry Part 1

This is an Old Blog, from the first time (30 October 2013) I held our baby Boy called Cesar in the hospital, and what I was experiencing when he was crying and my over all interaction with him that first time, basically removing the inner experience to remain here as the physical, what real.

when I came home, I sat down and i wrote all this out and then took a really nice long nap and then went back to the Hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when Cesar starts crying when I am the one busy with him, holding him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when Cesar starts crying when I am holding him or being with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when Cesar starts crying while I am with him to make up ideas/beliefs about myself and what it is or might be about me that he is picking up that is making him cry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the fault and the problem and the cause when and as Cesar is crying as I am holding him or touching him, seeing and realizing that this sabotages me from seeing physically what’s here/happening and to direct the point to help Cesar and what he is telling is through the crying as his way of communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear touching Cesar in the fear of that I might hurt him with my strength, not knowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my touch and my breath as my stability as me when and as I am touching or holding him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Cesar as being something alien to me when and as I am holding him or touching him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being intimate with Cesar as Myself when and as I am holding him, being with him, embracing him here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others Judgment’s or opinions on what I am doing when and as I am working with Cesar such as holding him or touching him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel self-conscious when and as Cesar starts to cry while I am holding him or touching him or just being near him, as if it’s about me and that everyone will judge me as a bad parent because my baby is crying when I am near or around him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being corrected by others within what I am doing when I am working with Cesar and to how it must be done correctly, fearing that I will in that moment define myself as incapable, seeing and realizing that it is simple, I breathe and I correct and integrate what’s common sense and practical and best for all and move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear touching Cesar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Holding Cesar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Cesar will not like me just because of how I hold him or touch him and that everything I do will be the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there is a wrong way and a right way, seeing and realizing that’s it is to Touch and be here as Touch as me in the Physical and to be of consideration one and equal and to move myself as breathe here and not in fear as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Cesar will find my skinny bony body uncomfortable and thus not like to hang with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist connecting with Cesar and expressing myself with Cesar as I am here and to instead pull slightly away each time and to not engage as me here one and equal in a total entrancement as me, in fear of loss/rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Losing Cesar and to within this not engage as me in my entire totality one and equal and to instead distance myself within myself from connecting for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection from Cesar and to thus within this already reject myself through not fully expressing myself as myself as Cesar one and equal as two Physical beings actually caring for each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I truly connect and engage myself as Cesar with Cesar within my total being as who I am that I will within this create a weak spot for myself that will become a weakness for me in cases such as Loss or casualty, thus I see and realize that I am doing from a starting point of fear of loss as death and in self-interest I never truly connect but keep my distance just so that I may feel in control and in power just for in-case anything happen I will be okay, seeing and realizing this selfishness is a compromise and NOT LIVING but holding back and that it has consequences that isn’t best for all or me as who I am.

Day 2 – Money and preperation.

The following point is a point I faced in the past in relation to making the decision on having a baby in relationship with the money point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Money is the most important point to consider when the Idea or decision making of having a baby comes into one’s Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that without Sufficient money to support my life style plus a baby added I will have consequences that does not just affect me but also the Child and the Child’s life in total and thus the future of Life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to First look at LOVE and if the love within the relationship is good enough or not to have a baby and to only then look at money, instead of looking at – do we want a baby? Yes or no, and then to first look at practicality which is the point of money as the one thing that allows us to eat/drink have basic needs met daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at having a baby from a limited perspective of how I feel and how my partner feels and that is all that matters, instead of looking at the entire perspective which is within practicality and common sense where I consider the LIFE of the new Being that will/may be entering this world and how I and my Partner will be able to support and assist the new being to reach his/her full potential within NOT making money an Issue within the child’s life and what support the child will receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that real happiness isn’t all about money, seeing and realizing that having money isn’t about happiness it is about having sufficient support and assistance for oneself within the current system and to not suffer, and thus I see that if I base having a baby on this perspective of money doesn’t bring happiness so FUCK IT let’s have a baby – I am then deliberately already creating a life of fear and suffering where its unnecessary and preventable for the child that will create/produce a human/adult that will simply continue giving as what was given – fear and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is BAD and WRONG to make a decision such as having a baby based on money – seeing and realizing that this decision isn’t first based on money as the decision has to first be discussed within the agreement/relationship and then come to a YES/NO answer from both partners and to then from that decision look at the practical points and if they are in place or not such as Money being the first thing, and to then get everything practically in place first and then have a baby.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if my partner becomes pregnant without us planning it or have prepared for it that it is a gift from some higher form of life, when the truth is there was simply no protection used – and thus have about nine months to get our shit in place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that something such as having a baby must happen spontaneously for it to be seen as a sign that this is the right time – seeing and realizing that this spontaneous moment is really just due to irresponsibility and not considering actions and their consequences one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider the BIG picture as the world and to then take everything into consideration within the world, and then my life circles/relationships and my personal bubble, and to within this consider all dimensions to check if I am ready to be a father and to take the Full responsibility for another being within the current world and what’s here and to stand within that as a real decision where I can see My life and the life of the baby and where it will be in 50 years for example and if this decision right now can stand within being supportive within all areas of the babies life to be the best and to reach the fullest potential so that the child can with me bring about a world that is best for all life as being the Father/example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that there are already Millions of children/babies without parents and homes and basic needs that isn’t close to being met, and thus it is my responsibility to bring a child into this world that will have all the basic needs met for my child and that there is no suffering for my child as this will add one more child to the list of correction, even if it means rather not having a child if the outflow will be that of abuse and suffering. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I want to bring a child into this world that I must be fully aware of how the world functions and where the world is heading as it is currently - so that I know in full awareness what LIFE I am setting up for my child – and thus as I do see this - I see and realize also that it is up to me as a father or a father to be to bring about change within this world not just for my child but for ALL children and all life so that I know my child will live a life I never can/will, and yet give my life for this purpose as what is best for all life as a father.

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To be continued with Self corrective statements.