Day 7 - Can a Father be Prepared within himself?

 If you are a new father, a Father for the first time, I know the concerns and worries, the insecurities and fears, they all come up and they do affect us as Fathers.

What I have found within the past two and a half years of being a father is that one CAN prepare for becoming a father; there is a way, and a successful way. You basically have to redefine the word father for yourself within practical terms that is Best for all, considering reality. Before we get to what I mean by all that, I am going to talk a bit about the father concept in general.

You see, I have seen many fathers and how they are with their children, I have seen the "images" being portrayed in the movies and magazines of what it apparently means to be a father according to the world/system, and I can tell you, it is just an image, it is just something that is being portrayed, there is nothing special or beautiful about it, there is however a "reality check" and within that enjoyment and moments, but it isn't this image that the world is attempting to portray of what it means to be a "great and amazing father"

Be honest with yourself, you were and are a son to a father, what was or is your relationship with your father or in some cases your father figure? How is your father a father, what has become your definition of being a father?

The reason you must ask and look at these questions is because you will find within answering them for yourself what father you will be or attempt to be, and this is the first problem, because then you are selling yourself out, you are now attempting to be your father as a father, or you are attempting to be a father according to how the system has created expectations within you of what it should be to be a father. Within doing this, taking this approach because you know no other way, because you never went to "schooling for fathers" you will use what you have learned through your environment and society, which is once again "the sins of the father" - as we are all familiar with this term. We just keep on repeating history over and over.

I write this log to get fathers to be the new age, to be the change, to stop the sins of the fathers, the reason is simple, just take a look at the world, take a good look, it isn't a place for a child, it isn't safe, it isn't secure, it isn't caring, it isn't giving, it is a mess, a survival game of who has money and who doesn't. and this is because parenting, and being a father has simply been copied from one generation to another, and the result is obvious, it is NOT good parenting, and this isn't to blame, or to point fingers or judge, it is to forgive and move on with solutions within the understanding that just like us our parents didn't know any other way, but in today's time and age, we know better and the earth is giving us amazing feedback that things must change NOW, because the world is not a good place, our parents and their parents before them, weren't good parents, and we must all admit this, because just take a look around, your life might be okay - but the world is on the brink of destruction, our air is polluted, our oceans are polluted, fish are going extinct, our forests are being destroyed, and animals going extinct daily, war and poverty is soaring, our economic systems are collapsing and destroying lives , our Eco systems are way out of balance, there is no future for our children if we simply copy and paste our parenting from those that has gone before us. Because that is the result of what is here today. it is common sense in simplicity f not denying what is obvious.

So scaling it back down to daily fatherhood. I had to for a moment show the bigger picture to get my point across to why this blog is important and why we must change where we can, starting with ourselves, as fathers to children that will inherit the earth, and we want our children to inherit a good earth, and they must be raised to be the keepers of this good earth/planet, to not create this again. 

So, If you are going to become a Father, or if you are right now a father for the first time, then this is the best advice I can give you as I have seen and lived this for myself with my son/child for the past two and a half years, you must not attempt to change your child, your child is perfect, you must change YOU, at all times. let me explain, the Idea is sold to us that we must raise our children, and our definition of raising our children is warped, it comes from the idea that they are not smart, that they are stupid, that they need our input all the time as what to know and what is important or not, when in fact we are not raising our children, we are simply being guides, support and assistance, as they are born perfect within their starting point as who they are - and we cannot guide or support or assist our children to become their utmost potential as long as we ourselves exist within the old ways, the old mind set, the ways of our fathers, because that isn't guiding or supporting or assisting, that is what we call brainwashing and putting your child into a cult, which we call a culture, which is once again the old ways that has led to what is here today as the world as a whole.

So, to redefine the word father as to NOT be the sins of the fathers but to be something for you as a father that is practical and that is applicable in each moment, a father is support, guidance, assistance and to a child, this child isn't your property, this child isn't yours to do with as you please, this child belongs to the earth, to LIFE, as this child will one day become part of society, and if we train them as we see fit for our own self-interest as to fit our own cultures or religions or family standards just to look good or feeling like we belong or that we are doing the right thing, then we are simply creating a doomed future for our children as those exact things are what created the mess that is here today as the world that they are supposed to inherit.

For you to live the new definition of father as to be the change you want to see in this world, is going to be difficult, yet it is going to make parenting and being a father easier, you need to work on yourself, you need to take responsibility for yourself, you are going to have to set a Principle that you live by, instead of Ideas, opinions and believes, because they will confuse you, they will make you feel depressed and down and sad and angry and frustrated, because reality isn’t going to fit with your believes/ideas or opinions when it comes to your child, and this is why the physical correction as a father must be to be a guide, to be assistance and support and to be that you as a father must first find your stability, because once the child is here there will be no time to find your stability and you will fall into the traps of the old ways and give in to the ideas/opinions and believes that was set before you, you will trust other peoples words on what parenting is and follow their vice when it should not be followed, you will d and try things suggested by parents/grandparents as what they have done and you will go for it, because you do not have stability within you to stand and direct, and thus create what has already been created instead of creating change.

I walked a Process with the Group Desteni for 5 and a half years before I became a father, I was more than prepared and this helped me a lot to the guide/support and assistance not only for my child, but also for my wife, as she went through most of everything. I will write on practical examples and ways and situations that we have faced and how we dealt with it, specifically me as the “father” – how we had to move beyond ideas/opinions and beliefs and into practical corrections that is best for all, to be clear, I am not saying I was or am perfect, but I am saying I made this process a lot easier for myself and I know every father will want the same for himself. (and Mothers)

So, if you are going to be a father, or are a new father – take this Free online course by Desteni and learn to understand yourself, this will be most important within dealing with yourself as you are a father and the new journey of having a baby/child takes your life and reality to a whole new level, when the emotions and feelings and strange thoughts come up, know where they come from, understand them, stop them and do not give into them, but you need to develop the tools to do so, and this is exactly what this course teaches you.

Desteni I Process Free Online Course - http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
You can request for me to be your buddy and support on this online course, just ask for    Gian Robberts.

Day 6 - Working dad, tired dad, excused dad

I haven’t had many encounters with dad’s in my life raising children, all my life I have only encountered dads who come home and sit somewhere and do something with their own time, while the mother is still working/raising a human being (the baby/child).

I used to think nothing of it, it was normal to be that way – because it is all justifiable according to what has been generally accepted, which is – mom raises baby/child/human while dad is out working all day and when he comes home he may just sit and do nothing else but relax and carry the “burden of working and providing.

BUT – this was many years ago, times have changed –in today’s time’s most moms are also working, so now mom and dad are working while the baby/child is taken care of by someone else, either a nanny or a family member, or the child is send to a creche.

So now in many families – including my own, there is a different situation, the situation is both parents come home from a full day of work, and then there is still a baby that needs to be taken care of.

So now we have two scenarios – the one where mom takes care of baby all day and dad comes home from a long day of work and rest/do nothing, and then the other one where both parents work all day and come home and now there is still a baby to look after.

Now what happens within both these situations is quite fascinating – no matter which situation it is – dad gets to rest – primarily in most families, while mom who also came from work still needs to do everything for the baby, which is hard work, plus cooking and cleaning and all the other things.

These are my observations of other families/people that I have met and been with. It is unspoken in the families and simply accepted, or to place it better – it is how they have chosen to accept it.

After observing people and families, I have come to be in the same situation, having a baby and a wife and myself, all three of having to live together with the same circumstances as everyone else in a manner of speaking.

I am working, my wife is working and there is our baby – My wife/partner works from home as she always have, she has a responsibility within work plus now having a baby at home, I work away from home – I have a job that can keep me busy all day as long as it must take to do my work.

So what now? When I come home, my wife has been working plus taking care of the baby and here I come home with the idea that my work for the day is over, meantime my wife never gets off, she is working 24/7.

So what excuses me from not doing more when I get home, what excuses me from doing that part equally as my wife with raising the baby and doing what needs to be done, I mean she is doing it.

This raised an interesting question within me – we MEN love to boast how strong and physically better we are than women, we love to be the provider and the “strong” being in the relationship, we men like to impose that we are better than women, yet I think we men simply like the idea of it all. Because when it comes to what the men are doing versus what the mother/women is doing, we do not compare.

We live in a time where there cannot be any more excuses why we aren’t taking over half the diaper changing once home after work, and doing half the feeding of the baby once home from work, or education and playing with the baby once home from work, mom is able to do it, so why is dad not doing it?

I have been pushing myself to live up to my potential as a worthy father of life by simply using my wife/partner as an example.

I will be sharing real encounters in the next blogs, each point at a time on the topic raised here.
To be continued.

Day 5 Father’s day – Daddy isn't "here"

I am a full time working dad/father, I go out in the mornings and I have no idea what time I will be back home, this is a reality for me.

While I am out and about doing business/work, I have a baby boy at home, with a mother that takes care of him full time, I have to quickly add, the mother works harder and longer hours than me, this work being raising another human, her job never ends, it is quite amazing seeing the human capacity when choice is removed.

Whereas I leave in the morning and come home some time, most of the time I come home at night time, or late afternoons.

When I arrive home I am tired, I feel drained, I spend hours on the road and hours talking and communicating with other human beings, and I spend a good amount of time with paper work, so most of the day I am not using ALL of my body, I only use my brain a lot and my lips for speaking, sitting SOO much.

When I get home at my random time, I find my son Cesar somewhere around the house, either he is being carried or he is being entertained by someone or he is being fed, or he is playing on the floor with his toys and developing himself in all possible ways, like right now he is crawling easily forward and standing up against objects, he falls and drops a few times and then have a cry. He gets up and simply try again, I can learn a lot from him.

when I am home the first thing I do is get out of my Business cloths, I get into comfortable clothes that is also cloths that can/may get stains and dirty, which is perfect for working with a baby lol.

After I get into my comfortable clothes I go and get myself a coffee and I go sit outside and I have the coffee and check my cellphone and my emails and I play a game on my cellphone, I do this to just blow off steam and get myself to relax.

As I finish my coffee and I am done with the game I will go back to the room where Cesar and Leila are, I usually still feel tired and drained, within this I tell myself to just relax, focus on breathing, let go of the day, I am here now, I must deal with what’s here now, so I play a bit more games or I go check the news or my facebook for 30min. do my own thing.

This is the part I struggle with currently, yet I am already much better of letting the Entire day go, all of it, all the information that I have received and given and all the information that is still running, like schedules and planning and arrangements and all those things.

But as this goes on and I am working on “breathing” and “relaxing” and letting “go” I am forgetting one thing, my son.

I become so self-centered at focusing at my own things going on, I don’t even give it a thought to go spend time the Cesar, that five minutes to just hug him and to be with him and to show him that I am here, he is here.

And interestingly enough, when I do that, it turns out I actually then let go of the mind bullshit and I become focused here as breath, it is as they say, everything is in reverse.

Here I am believing that I must first clear myself, I must first get my mind clear before spending time with my son, which in return actually traps me within my mind, because I am attempting to relax and let go through being in the mind, which is a contradiction within itself, as the mind can’t extinguish itself with itself.

When I turn my focus to something Physical such as Cesar my son, then I am in that moment making the conscious/aware decision to move from the past as my day that’s behind me to be here as the Physical as my son being with him, in the moment as him.

So I have now made a agreement with myself to everyday once I come from work to pack my stuff off, to get dressed in different cloths and to immediately go to Cesar and to hug him and give him my time once I am done with work.

Let us be clear, it is not to suppress or hide or anything like that of the whole day that has been over, it is to be a responsible being/father for the child that I am an example to.

See I have a simple decision to make as the example I am living in the eyes of my son, he will not learn what I say to him, he will learn what I live, as I am his male figure that he will be imprinting from, and since he only sees me at my worse which is after an entire day that I have been awesome, then he will learn that moment of the day of who I am within that moment, and he will see that as the example. That last part when I believe its now okay to escape into the mind.

So I have made the decision that I will be awesome for my son to be the living example of what is here as what’s best for all life, through living that in fact, to change this pattern of unawareness and to turn it into an aware moment of creative living.

what’s the point of being awesome for the whole world, but once I am in my sons presence I am a distracted shifting mind controlled zombie that walks around, believing the world out there, this system is more deserving of my attention then my own son, as my son will become this world and thus live within these systems and I have to be the example for him to walk and change this and thus not live as the mind as some tired worn out piece of a man calling himself dad, too tired to help out mom and to spend time with the kid using excuses of work, and that I have been working all day, and the day was hard and I deserve to just rest now and have time for myself to be this zoned out man.

NO – that’s not what I am accepting and allowing as my definition of a father – I am giving the attention to my child that I am giving to my job (as an example) outside as well, the same as what a mother does, a 24/7 job, if she can do it I can.

This is not a point of self-judgment, it is me re-aligning myself within the awareness of my actions within the presence of others/myself at all times, to be the same one and equal and to not change this presence once I am in a different area and to not shift, within the consideration of what my actions are creating within my reality as those that sees me as an example, in this case my child/boy Cesar.

And this change goes hand in hand with the principals or living commitments that I as a Destonian stand as – Living my utmost potential and nothing less.
Happy fathers day.